Litany of Nicknames

Here's a list of nicknames that I've had over the years. Most explain me pretty well.

l'Americano-This was/is given to me by my Italian friends, who see me as "the American".

the Italian-My American friends see me as an Italian. Strange how the first five here are about national/ethnic identity.

the Foreigner/lo Straniero-Yeah, sometimes fitting in is strange. A foreigner in the States, a foreigner in Italy.

the Russian-I have ZERO Russian blood. I guess my grade school classmates, my EVIL gradeschool classmates thought I talked/walked like a Russian. What??

Boris-From the Russian school of thought. . .Boris, or Boris Yeltsin. This actually was given to my by former soccer teammates ("Hey you sound like a Russian! Boris!!") and by a certain "Nick J", a guy with whom I went to grade school.

Camel (variants thereof, such as "Camel K")-In fifth grade, a girl named "Valerie S" looked at a National Geographic for kids magazine cover that featured a camel. She turned around, looked at the class, and said aloud "Look! This looks just like you!" For about three years, people started calling me Camel.

Mumbles--From a character in the "Dick Tracy" series. I have the hardest time modulating my voice; it's either way to loud or too soft. In high school, in my more bashful days, I usually spoke very quietly, and tended to trail off at the end of sentences. My sophomore year of high school US History teacher, Mr. Noack (probably my favorite teacher of all-time. He must've been 70 when I had him, all those years ago) coined this one, which stays with me to this day. "Hey Mumbles! Stop Mumbling!" This is also one of my senior quotes.

Il Puritano--When I studied in Italy for the 2005-2006 school year, my Italian classmates were shocked to find out that I didn't drink/smoke/cheat on tests/party/etc. A natural fit, since I, to them, am American. What is a an American that doesn't do any of that? A Puritan!

Il Moralizzato (the moralized)--This came from a different set of Italian friends, my friends from my grandparents' seaside vacation village. They say that I'm moralized, but that I don't moralize aka I don't attempt to correct the behavior of others that act differently.

La Foresta Pluviale/La Foresta Amazzonica (the Rainforest/the Amazonian Rainforest)--I have an ever-expanding rug on my chest, especially since I've gotten to college. It's getting rather scary. However I have noticed a dramatic increase in physical strength since I've come to college, wether that's attributable to weightlifting or my growing furriness is a mystery.

Gingah Silk--from my wonderful student manager, who, upon seeing me interact with an attractive girl, said "Wow Alex, silky smooth." The "Gingah" is necessary to emphasize my future in the pornographic biz. I've done many a-things that have earned me this nickname, including attempting to get one of those portable abdominal machines through an impossibly narrow gap between two larger bicept/chest machines, getting that ab machine stuck, and fighting for about ten seconds to get it dislodged. I also have a history of tripping over invisible lines.

Yes, that is sarcastic.